Romance scammers are experts in social manipulation, which makes them hard to catch. Let’s go over how dating platforms and their users can nonetheless protect themselves.
In 2023, romance scams rose by 22% compared to the previous year, according to Lloyds Bank. In Australia alone, over $33 million was reported lost to romance scams in 2023, with a median loss of nearly $10,000 per person across more than 3,400 reports.
These scams seriously affect both dating platforms and their users alike. For users, they can result in heartbreak and even bankruptcy, as a single successful romance scam can steal millions. For dating platforms, failing to fend off scammers can lead to reputational damage. Let’s dive deeper into what constitutes dating scams, romance scammer tactics, red flags, and how dating platforms can protect users from these scams.
A romance scam, sometimes called an “online dating scam,” is a type of fraud where a scammer creates a fake profile on a dating site or social media platform, pretending to be romantically interested in someone to gain their trust and eventually exploit them financially. These scams typically target people who are emotionally vulnerable, using elaborate stories and prolonged communication to create a false sense of connection. Dating scammers often target vulnerable members of society. For instance, elderly women who are divorced or widowed are usual targets.
Romance scammers are experts in social manipulation. They deceive their victims by playing on emotions and creating likable profiles that speak to victims.
The Australian Competition & Consumer Commission describes several red flags of a romance scammer.
Profile inconsistencies. There can be inconsistencies in scammers’ profiles, i.e., they state that they’re from Canada but write in very poor English.
Quick love confessions. Romance scammers profess love very quickly, even after just a couple of conversations. They shower the victim with loving words like “you are my angel” and might even strike up conversations about marriage and kids.
Money requests. After gaining the victim’s trust, they ask for money to pay for a sudden emergency—for insance, a sick relative, funeral costs, business problems, etc. If a victim doesn’t send money straight away, their messages become more desperate, and loving words change to threats.
Fantastic stories. A scammer’s life can often sound like a soap opera, so it’s not uncommon for them to have some “angry business competitors that want to kill them”.
Living abroad. Scammers often claim to be traveling or working abroad in order to have an excuse to not meet victims in person.
Not keeping promises. Scammers always have an excuse for why they can’t travel to meet their victim, why they need more money, or why they can’t pay the money back.
Making conversations more private. Sometimes scammers suggest moving to a more private chat instead of the dating site to stay under the radar of moderators, or to less secure platforms.
Scammers use dating sites to lure their victims by pretending to be prospective romantic partners. They create fake online profiles using fictional identities or data stolen from real people.
“The Internet makes this type of crime easy because you can pretend to be anybody you want to be. You can be anywhere in the world and victimize people,”—says the FBI.
The scam typically works like this:
Since the scammer needs their victim to lower their defenses, it might take over half a year of digital courtship before they first ask for money. Yet this is precisely what makes these types of scams particularly effective.
Romance scammers typically surround themselves with accomplices who pose as business partners, lawyers, or doctors. For instance, a notorious con-artist from the Tinder Swindler had a whole troupe of fake characters behind him, including a wife, child, business partner, and bodyguard. Other times, a whole group of organized criminals can band together, pretending to be a single person in search of love.
To recap, a dating scam typically works like this: the scammer reaches out to a victim, builds a trusting relationship, and only then asks for money. While this is a general pattern, there can be other variations of online romance scams.
Emergency schemes. This is the most common scam. Scammers come up with a fantastic story about how they adopted a child and need money to raise them—or, maybe they’re detained at some remote border crossing and now need to pay for a lawyer. While these stories might seem hard to believe, scammers manipulate their victims for months to make them believe any lie.
Military romance scams. Scammers pose as members of the military stationed overseas, using fabricated military-related reasons to justify why they can’t meet in person or need money (for example, paying for leave or transport). Usually these scammers have suspiciously attractive photos and cite “military regulations” that prevent them from meeting.
Blackmail. Scammers can ask their victims to have a video call. During the call, they may pressure the victim to undress or perform other intimate acts. The scammer then claims to have made a video recording and threatens to make it public unless the victim sends money.
Romance baiting scams. This is a relatively new scheme that involves scammers encouraging victims to participate in an investment opportunity. For instance, scammers can pretend to be financially-independent women and, when asked how they made their fortune, will link to a shady crypto investment scheme. If traditional dating schemes tend to target older people, almost half of all losses to romance baiting scams come from people under the age of 35.
Gift card scams. After building trust, the scammer asks for gift cards under various pretexts, such as needing emergency funds, birthday gifts, or help with travel expenses. Gift cards are hard to trace and easy to convert to cash or sell. Beware requests for specific gift card brands, unusual explanations for why they need the gift card, and instructions to share the card’s number and PIN.
Visa and immigration scams. Scammers pretend they need help with a visa or travel documents to come and see the victim. They may ask to pay fees related to visas, flights, or border processing. Their goal is to collect money for non-existent travel expenses. They usually tell stories about visa issues, asking for travel funds, and creating excuses for why they can’t manage the travel costs themselves.
Romance scams may be just the beginning of a chain of crimes, such as money muling. This is a form of money laundering where criminals employ other individuals to move illicit funds. Scammers can send their victims money, mobile phones, or other valuable items and ask to resend them somewhere. This type of fraud is particularly dangerous for the victims’ safety as they may be inadvertently tangled into the financial dealings of an international criminal network.
Suggested read: What’s Money Muling? Understanding Red Flags and Why Businesses Should Be Concerned
When it comes to dating platforms, it can be hard to distinguish genuine users from scammers. Here’s a game that can test out your ability to filter out potentially problematic customers. Some bios contain red flags, so keep your eye on their personal details.
Any reference to living persons is purely coincidental
To protect their platforms from scammers, dating sites can introduce user verification. This isn’t a regulatory requirement, but it can help to filter out unwanted users. Here’s how verification can help dating platforms:
Since users of dating platforms aren’t always familiar with verification, the process should be as smooth as possible in order to avoid scaring them away. Also, users might have concerns about the safety of data they submit during the procedure, which is why modern verification solutions store data on secure servers and protect it from unauthorized usage.
Here are four features that can help reduce fraud while keeping the conversion rates high.
Here are a few things that can help you spot a romance scammer and avoid falling into an online dating trap.
Always consider the possibility that a match might be a scam. It’s a good idea to look beyond all the loving messages and focus solely on facts to determine if a potential partner is genuine.
Cross-check. Scammers can use photos from the internet or copy their bios from other websites and dating profiles. That’s why conducting an online search to cross-check the person’s name, photo, and email address can help.
Be wary of requests for money and personal data. The number-one red flag in online dating is if someone asks for money, bank card details, or copies of personal documents. Users should remember that scammers can do this in a very discreet way like asking for a copy of an ID card to buy a plane ticket for the user.
Seek advice from a trusted person. An experienced romance scammer might try to isolate their victim from friends and family or pressure them into making impulsive decisions alone.
Reporting a scammer can lead to the platform blocking them and preventing their future activity. Here’s a quick guide on where and how to report scammers:
Common online dating scams include requests for emergency funds, fake military stories, cryptocurrency investments, and blackmailing.
Romance scammers often profess love quickly, avoid meeting in person, and eventually ask for money or personal information.
Ask specific questions about their background, location, or daily life to see if their answers are vague, inconsistent, or overly scripted.
Remain skeptical, avoid sharing money or personal details, and verify their identity independently before continuing the conversation.
